MYGirls: Let’s Talk About Leadership & Self-Esteem (Part 2: Competition, and “Frienemies”)

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*~MYGirls Blog Series will run every Friday evening at 6:00pm, Pacific Standard Time. ~*


Why hello, lovely young girls!!

Hopefully, by now, you all have been able to follow the MYGirls Blog Series  These blog entries, along with suggested reads from @, @, and @, are here for your viewing pleasure, as well as to provide insight and tips on how to be successful in school, build & maintain friendships, improve on home-based routines and responsibilities, and overall navigate through life in general.  We bloggers speak to you from experience, to both inspire and prepare you for what’s to come in the near (and distant future).

So far within the MYGirls Blog Series, we have covered Social Media Etiquette, Appearance & Personal Hygiene (broken into two parts), Academics, and  Leadership & Self-Esteem (Part 1).  Today we will discuss Part 2 of the Leadership & Self-Esteem topic:  Competition & “Frienemies.”

teen-girls-s22-photo-of-competing-sisters By now, young girls, you should all be well-established in your classes, have developed great acquaintanceship with your teachers, joined clubs & organizations . . . maybe even a spirit squad!  But most definitely, you all should have begun friendships with your peers.  Some of these friendships may end up being temporary, even though they are begun with the goal of them lasting after high school, well into adulthood.

We choose our friends for many reasons.  As stated in Let’s Talk About Appearance & Personal Hygiene (Part 1:  Personal Hygiene), [with our friends, we are] sharing commonalities like favorite colors, favorite “girly” products (lip gloss, sweet-smelling lotions & body sprays, hair pins, etc), favorite courses & teachers, mutual friends, likes & dislikes, and the list goes on.  Much of our self-esteem comes from the influence of our friends.  To go deeper, we choose our friends based on how they make us feel when we are around them.  A good friend will make us laugh, comfort us when we are hurt, congratulate us for our achievements, encourage us, uplift us, and most importantly, support us.  A good friend helps us to discover ourselves and allows us to be ourselves, accepting us for who we are without casting judgment.


A good friend will push you forward, to help you reach your highest potential.  A good friend wants to see you win, even if it means she temporarily loses.  And she wants to see you win, without jealousy.   A good friend respects you in a leadership role, sometimes more so than those not considered friends who are under your leadership.  Young girls, do your friends support you?  Are they genuinely happy when you win something, especially if you are competing against each other?  Do they feel as though your friendships are mere bouts of competition?


There are several different ways you can evaluate your friendships; I would like to concentrate on 3 of them:

  • Accomplishments – say you made the Honor Roll, made captain of the basketball team, or earned the position of student body President . . . do your friends congratulate you, or brush it off as if it weren’t as big as something major that they have achieved?
  • Information – say you have the same class as your friends, and you are out of school for the day due to illness . . . do your friends share their class notes with you and inform you of any homework assignments that are due, or do they keep it to themselves which will put you at risk of a lowered grade?
  • Opportunity – say auditions for the school play are approaching, and your friends find out before you do . . . do they inform you of the upcoming date(s), or do they keep it to themselves in hopes you won’t get a shot at showcasing your talents?

If your friends cannot congratulate and support you in your accomplishments, share important information with you, or pass along a great opportunity to you, chances are you may have befriended frienemies.


27cityroom-wrestling-blog480 Sometimes we find that those whom we consider to be our friends, are our enemies in disguise.  Thus, “frienemies.”  A frienemy is someone who is nice, sweet, and friendly at first, in hopes that she keeps us close.  But because a frienemy thrives off of having someone around to validate them, she will keep us close to purposely turn us into her unwilling competitor.  She always wants to be better than us, so she will find ways to place us in an ‘us-versus-them’ situation.  Over time, a frienemy will eventually become your full-fledged enemy.


Young girls, it is very important that we are careful and mindful when we select our friends.  We must choose friends who bring out the best in us . . . and expect nothing less.  Remember, our friends are reflections of us:  we are the company we keep . . . we are who we hang out with.  It is important that YOU are also the humorous, comforting, congratulatory, encouraging, uplifting, and supportive friend that you aim to attract.  It’s okay to have a friend to win something over you.  It’s okay that your weakness might be her strength.  It’s okay that she might make a better class president . . . you might make a better team captain.  We all have our own strengths and weaknesses.  We all have areas in which we make great leaders.  We are equal to our friends, but not always identical, and that is perfectly fine!  Do not let that discourage you, young girls.

We are all winners together, even if only one takes the medal! AR-706209459



Next week’s blog:  Health (Part 1:  Diet)



-Kahlelah, MYGirls


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